Dating With Intention: A Single Parent’s Guide to Love and Balance

When you are juggling your time between raising children, household responsibilities, and employment, dating is often the last thing on your mind. And let’s face it - most days, it’s much more fun to spend time playing with your kids than swiping on Tinder. Dating requires energy and focus, and the truth is, if you feel ready to date, you need to find space for that to exist in your life. 

Just like passive scrolling on social media is harmful to our mental health, so too is endless swiping using online dating platforms. It can also be easy to get lost in the weeds of online dating. With that being said, dating apps are a practical tool for single parents when attending in person events is not a feasible option. One way of managing the online world is to set yourself some time each day for the apps. Allow yourself a specified time for swiping and stick to it, such as setting a limit of 30 minutes to an hour a day for swiping and messaging on the apps. This will help you be purposeful in the ones you are messaging and avoid getting lost in the perceived unlimited options. It might also be helpful to consider sticking to one or two apps, and researching the ones that are more effective to support your choice, rather than joining several different platforms. 

Beyond online options, look for opportunities to network with others. This can be a challenge for single parents, but it is entirely possible. There are many free local parenting groups, drop in programs, and community events that you can participate in. Don’t shy away from these opportunities, they can lead to more connections and build your community, which might bring unexpected dating potentials. Seek out in person events where you can expand your social network. Participate in local activities that are of interest to you, where you’ll be much more likely to meet other people who have similar interests. 

Date with intention and decide what you are looking for. Be honest with yourself on what you want in a partner and how that will add to your blended family. This involves some reflection on your part, to really get clear on the important things in your life, but it really pays off when it comes to choosing a partner. By defining these values early on, you’re far more likely to end up with a partner who has similar values to you. If it feels like you’re settling, it’s helpful to come back to these values and allow them to guide you (writing out these values before you enter the dating pool is also a great idea). 

Be upfront with potential partners, not only will you remain true to yourself, but you’ll also weed out any potential dates that are not good for you. This doesn’t mean telling your entire story on the first date, but it is important to be open about what you are looking for in a relationship, what your availability for dates is like, and what your priorities are. When you do meet someone you are interested in, have open conversations about your parenting time and responsibilities. Defining and setting these boundaries early on will help you stay true to yourself, and it also communicates to your partner that you are intentional in your relationships. 

Learning to trust again after separation or divorce can be difficult. You’ve worked hard to cultivate peace in your inner world, and opening up to someone new can seem like a daunting task. Take things slow, practice mindfulness, notice if past trauma is influencing your current life, and avoid comparing every new date to your past partner (whether that’s in “good” or “bad” ways). You can find love and learn to trust again with patience and communication. As you step into the dating world, take time to care for yourself. Practice self-love and have compassion for yourself, it takes time to heal and figure out who you are as a single parent. Embrace all of who you are and give yourself permission to learn and grow along the journey. 

Jessica